I wanted to cut the grass
but the bleedin’ rain refused to pass
disgruntled,
I accepted that was that
rolled up my sleeves
& began to tidy the flat
cleaning is a quiet task
thus I heard my heartbeat ask
for the telly, some music – any kind of sound
for surcease from thoughts that sought to drown
dunno what came over me
but I put on that CD
18 & unburdened
with no worries, no load
singin’ “fuck you speed limit”
racin’ down a summer road
joyous is the look on your beloved face
as the old car shimmies with the bass
just 25, but I feel old –
heartsick & tired
love’s become a dissenting mass
in which we’re both mired
why get so shitty when I only speak the truth?
so easily shattered, the dreams of my youth
what the hell was I thinkin’ – what came over me?
why ever made me put on that CD?
31 & love is almost done
32 & I’m seekin’ an unmarked pawnshop gun
35 & I can only weep
37 & I’ve forgotten how to sleep
at 40 life grows harder by the day
at 42 I said“to hell with this” – upped sticks & ran away
so many memories
I remember all of them
so many movies
of drunken love at 5am
my present life is happy – I know my new life will last
yet my days & night remain haunted by a bitter past
still, everything remains a vital part of me
useless then to wonder, why I put on that CD
copyright © 2015 KPM
