cookie cutter days

some days she gets up slowly
but every day she arises
aware of possibilities
on the heels of God’s sunrises

mornings after nightmares
when she finds it hard to talk
dreich weather days
when it hurts her to walk

bein’ locked down hasn’t helped
no matter how hard she tries
she feels helpless in the face of
angry unbelievers’ cries

so often she is tired
yet she soldiers on
for the many people who love her
for the sight of one more dawn

copyright © 2020 KPM

somniculous

restless
sleeper
one leg out
kick left, punch right
moaning in doubt

sweaty
sleeper
behind closed door
tossing, turning
covers on the floor

hard
sleeper
dresser fan croons
accompanied by
nasal night tunes

somnolent
sleeper
darkness swirls
drooling lips
spit-bubble pearls

solo
sleeper
night-time dance
sweet dreams? nightmares?
c’mon, take a chance

copyright © 2020 KPM

a Christmas nightmare

the holiday scene before me
is fuzzy & unclear
muted voices, blurry faces
why are these people here?
the long table is covered
in shiny bottles of Christmas cheer
so I pour myself a tall one
hopin’ to drink away the fear

the Christmas cactus on the mantle
has one lonely little bloom
faint sounds of 80s disco
float from some unseen ballroom
in this house I’m a stranger
lookin’ for a familiar room
while outside lurks winter darkness
skies that promise snow & doom

& then I feel his hands
even before I hear his voice
I can’t resist – I turn around
because I have no choice
“you’re mine,” he says, “you’re mine
you cannot run, you cannot flee
eternally you’re mine
always you’ll belong to me”

he pulls me close to him
my freezing hands he clasps
icy kisses on my neck
like Cleopatra’s asp
our breath mingles
in tortuous rasps
& all the while he pulls
he grips, he grasps

am I in Cleveland?
am I in Dundee?
where did he come from?
what’s happenin’ to me?
“Merry Christmas,” he says, “you’re mine
mine for all eternity
I shall always be with you,
forever you’ll belong to me.”

copyright © 2018 KPM

interior designs

there are always has options
another road, a different way
if you shove fear out the door
you’ll triumph on another day

it’s not impossible:
the right decision can be made
but only if you’re willing
to step out of the shade

be brave & buoyant
as you stand in the sun
unafraid & unwavering
before anyone

make your own mark
design your own legacy
believe in yourself
embracing flight can set you free

copyright © 2017 KPM

 

as the storm approaches

everywhere I look
as far as my eyes can see
everywhere I look
there’s another memory

when the sun is hiding
when skies are fat with storm clouds gray
I remember all those summers
the tunes that we would play

something simple I’ll be doing
hoovering or mopping the floor
when – unexpectedly – I hear
your laughter at my door

I remember washing the car
while you drank beer on the deck
asleep, I often dream
of the taste of salt on your neck

I don’t know why I love you
I’m oft unsure if you love me
so far apart we are
love is futility

sometimes I wish I didn’t love you
I wish the past would set me free
but you’re the keeper of all my secrets
so I need you to love me

copyright © 2017 KPM

haiku for the absent

I wear your t-shirt
cotton as soft as your hands
your smell still lingers

💔💔💔💔

Heart 80s Breakfast
songs that bring good memories
I can see your smile

💔💔💔💔

walking down the road
was someone who looked like you
my heartbeat halted

💔💔💔💔

I still take pictures
of work done in my garden
nowhere to send them

💔💔💔💔

in love with darkness
dreams unlock the door to you
all I want is sleep

copyright © 2017 KPM

under the full Cleveland moon

her childhood street
is oh-so-quiet
her heart is in turmoil,
brain cells a riot

options she has,
choices to make
what dreams can she keep?
which hopes to forsake?

a good life is not promised,
luck turns on a dime
the only certainty is death
& she’s running out of time

she knows one day she’ll return –
triumphant – & soon
these are the thoughts she thinks
standing beneath a full Cleveland moon

copyright (c) 2017 KPM

helpless

once again last night
(though I didn’t want to)
my subconscious betrayed me:
sending me a dream of you
it dragged me, unwilling
back into the past
the bitter ending of a love
I was so sure would last

growing older brings more
than the unexplained ache
it brings unwelcome memories
scenes I’d rather forsake
I have moved on with my life
travelling rocky & joyous ground
yet the ghost of you
persists in hangin’ around

your death nigh destroyed me
deep depression I’ve endured
clawing my way out of darkness
I’ve grown & I’ve matured
I’ve learned how to bend
with wind that blows through summer grass
Corinthians was correct in saying
“this too shall pass”

perhaps I didn’t love you
in the way you thought I should
maybe that causes these dreams
(to be fair, some are good)
I’ll always love you in my way
but a better man I have found
so please, be happy for me
sleep well beneath your burial mound

copyright © 2016 KPM

helpless

home for Christmas

“c’mere, you,” he says
with that endearing, crooked grin
“damn, I’ve missed you….how long has it been?
you know what I’m here for, don’t think of it as a sin
now, how about invitin’ a fella in?”

weary & wary
she opens the door
soundlessly he enters, glidin’ above the polished floor
“you look annoyed,” he jokes, “like this is some hated chore,
please don’t be that way – I just wanted to see you once more.”

he pulls her to him,
kisses her, strokes her hair
they collapse into an overstuffed chair
clothes fall with many a guttural swear
as she drowns in memories of a love that was rare

“c’mere, you,” he says
as at the end she pulls away
the room filling with a murky smoke of gray
in horror she watches as he starts to decay
& she struggles for the strength to hold the past at bay

copyright © 2016 KPM

home-for-christmas

as October approaches

as she labours beneath
a bright September sky
she realises it’s truly autumn
& tells herself she will not cry
because the days grow shorter
because guilty thoughts berate
because the anniversary approaches
of an event which changed her fate

her face is blank
as she diligently pulls the weeds
trying her hardest to forget
those last unkind words & deeds
because she cannot bear it,
that memory of how she cried
flashbacks of the ringing phone
which brought the news of how he’d died

she’s determined to be happy
as she cuts her patch of grass
though fleetingly she wonders
how many years must pass
before her guilt is erased
before grief makes its retreat
before his face fades from her dreams
& her atonement is complete

copyright © 2015 KPM

as October approaches